Little House on the Prairie Meets European Space Age

Otherwise known as the Netherlands. Which are pretty cool, because as you come in to land you don’t fill out a single piece of paper, and there isn’t actually anyone stationed in customs. And then once you hop on the smooth, shiny double-decker blue and yellow train from the airport to the city of Den Haag, you pass crazy leaning geometric buildings covered in glass and two minutes later you’re going through fields of sheep and miniature houses and roads filled with itty bitty, fully equipped cars, some with built-in multiple-bike bike racks that pull out from the back bumper. Can you say badass?

So my friend Amber picked me up from the airport and we headed back to the city of Den Haag where she’s staying in her aunt’s house, where I promptly crashed for a while before we spent the next few hours walking in sporadic rain and dodging bicycles– from the house to the (car free) shopping district, through downtown, into chinatown (designated by tacky plastic red lanterns hanging in the streets), past the royal stables, the parliament building and the Working Palace before heading back to the house for late lunch. After sleeping for another few hours we nuked some (amazing) tiny pancakes called poffertges, slathered them with butter, powdered sugar, strawberries and whipped cream and called it dinner before heading out to take a late walk on the beach as the setting sun shone crimson through the clouds on the horizon. And we found giant sand sharks and turtles and dolphins to play on. I know. We’re dorks. But it was fun.

Today I slept in. On accident. So, we got a super late start and made it down to Amsterdam by 12:30, give or take, and emerged from the colossal, ornate, gold-leafed brick train station into the rain, straight over a canal and onto a covered boat tour. Which was awesome. We went through the locks, under old brick bridges (one of which had an old built-in prison), past house boats (made from real converted boats), giant old merchants’ houses, old warehouses, the mayor’s house (with the dirtiest curtains on the block), leaning houses (built on failing pilings), the skinniest house in Amsterdam (1 meter wide), giant churches, the music theater and a giant, twisting, three-story bike as big as a good-sized parking garage. Which was full.

The architecture was beautiful, with tall, skinny, brick buildings built wall-to-wall, topped by hoisting beams and ornate gables high above the street. (Oh, and side note: the bathroom and the toilet are two different rooms.)

After disembarking and finding Shawarma we wandered the streets for an hour or so, passing a sex museum, cafes (where they sell food), coffee shops (where they sell weed), chinatown, and a street full of sex shops (where we crossed to the other side) and a square where Darth Vader greeted us next to an old lady in a wheel chair feeding a flock on pigeons in front of a massive cathedral.

Upon our return, Amber’s aunt Petti took it upon herself to drive us through town and give me a rapid tour of the Queen’s Palace, the Peace Palace and some other landmarks before returning to the house. Where I checked into my flight and claimed myself a window seat and am now hitting the sack before completing my Journey to the Equator on the Other Side of the World. See you then.